In social media it’s common venting how my best friend ditched me without any reason.
It can hurt more than it hurts in some romantic relationships. So why does this happen to most of us?
We are not ready to accept that time changes everything and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Two people living in a completely different environment and situation have different experiences that solidify their maturity differently.
My best friend from grade 6th has a completely different lifestyle now since we parted 20 yrs ago. She lives in a different country being a homemaker with 3 kids. But if we ever talk which is very rare we are friendly but we do not know each other’s daily life, achievements, and struggles. Her philosophy of life is different from what I have. So we don’t share much!!
Accepting change is important. I used to have one BFF but now I have so many good friends because I could not find my clone and maybe I don’t want the exact same person like me because it can turn into jealousy and competition.
One friend has an interest in fashion and fitness, one is all about cooking and kids, another one is good at talking business and ideas, one another is good at partying and knowing what’s hip in the city and yet another for with whom I can share those deep rare thoughts. All of them are different but I need them all in my life for what they are. But I do not see them every day or every weekend. I do not want to rely on one person in life.
If you ever experience the hurt just know so you will be fine and grow wisely. It hurts for a while but it also opens the doors for possibilities. It’s a part of being an adult. You do not want to be in a company where you do not have any respect and value. I don’t want to feel small. I feel loved and respected because you can expect that from me.
I cannot change anyone but myself. And I changed myself to be stronger, not weaker.
So Why People change without showing any signs. Why is it a surprise?
As genuine friends, you made a pact of not doubting each other FOREVER! Always sharing secrets and never lie to one another. This results in ignoring all the signs there is because we trust the person for more than yourself. Ya right!!
Reality Check!! A wise man once said that if there is anything which is constant in this world – it is CHANGE. We only read that but fear to apply it. If I cannot live in one certain way in life and change the way I look and feel with time and experience why do I expect my relationships will not change.
It’s better to change for good in time before change makes us change and not necessarily when we don’t want to but have to.
That is the truth. It hurts but should not make us bitter.
How it all starts (and in so many cases, ends)
We grow up with someone we play and feel safe and have fun with but that’s all we know until we grow more, hit puberty, and keep growing.
Our Choices and preference start changing but mostly it happens with our BFF.
We then attend college and face the anxiety of not being with someone who we call so dearly as my ‘BFF’. One who I never have to explain anything and still get away with doing NOTHING sometimes for that person. Believing deeply that my friend is a part of me and will never judge me.
Finally, we adjust to a new environment excited about our adult life, and go about sharing our hormones-powered events and experiences. We start living with new peers with similar hope of finding a soul that connects with ourselves.
We know that what we have to offer in friendships and how genuine we can be. With such honesty and (belief), we get into new kinds of friendships. We try to be responsible and mature and stable since we are no longer have parents watching over our shoulders. This makes us believe we are all the more unbreakable and strong. Only waiting to be surprised and shocked.
Guess What? We then come across people who betray us in all possible ways. Some not keeping their word, some lying, some cheating, some even stealing from us. We, however, continue to not give up hope for a better world and more ‘BFFs’.
Between our school and parents’ home. We reconnect with our oldest of friends and trying to make our ‘new’ old ‘BFFs’; we soon are caught hunting for more of such friendships. Then follows a romantic relationship in some cases and that is only icing on the cake. Only to confuse and misjudge our expectations from our friendships or BFF ships.
Real Reasons BFFs move away from us
Comparisons – one best way to swiftest destruction of everything good in our lives. Sometimes, we do it and sometimes we are reacting to others doing it.
People sometimes also in the seeking of a new life after a fatal accident react unusually. Leaving us with impressions of betrayal.
Yes, nothing succeeds like success. But it is a double-edged sword. Friends do not react similarly to all your achievements. This can be an outcome of a variety of emotions – jealousy, competitiveness, self-esteem defenses, etc.
Different life goals:
Our values and ideals change over time. Very likely our BFFs cannot see their value systems aligning with us and tend to move away.
Nothing can complicate your BFF relationship worse than your romantic relationship itself. Only maturity over time can guard your emotions against such conflicts.
Your BFF doesn’t want to hurt you:
Sometimes your BFF is being your ‘unusually’ behaving savior by moving away from you for your own good. That is how they think they can help you. It often takes the form of them keeping you from a secret or truth only they know – like your better half cheating on you.
That person was never your friend but you didn’t see any signs of it. It was one-sided and you were all along living with a misplaced idea.
For more of this, please refer to my another Blog – 13 Ways to manage Deep Separation Anxiety from Best Friends.